Follow the Leader

WRITTEN BY DREW MATZ

Like All Relationships, Trust is Also Relevant in Finding a Spiritual Leader

Trust is the foundation of all healthy relationships. It may not seem so, but this also applies in our relationship with our Church leaders as well. Unfortunately, many Christians have had very poor experiences with their Christian leaders, even to the point of forms of manipulation and abuse. These hurting people have turned to their Churches in times of need and have been turned away or neglected. This neglect is a trust that is broken between the shepherd and the sheep.

Ideally, these kinds of things should not happen. However, it is important to remember that Pastors and other Church leaders are sinners as well, and are just as capable of falling into sin or mishandling situations as anyone else. Whenever possible, a good pastor will attempt to objectively assess a given circumstance and apply Godly counsel and guidance based on the scriptures and other resources that the Church provides. It should be the pastoral aim to apply God’s law where there is hard-hearted impenitence, and proclaim the gospel where there is acknowledgement and confession of sin. Where it is relevant, all parties in conflict ought to be encouraged to confess their sins to each other, and to forgive each other of those sins just as Christ has forgiven them. Here are some traits to look for in searching for a trustworthy pastor:

Mercy

A Pastor is First and Foremost a Proclaimer of the Gospel

The role of the pastor in these situations is to bring comfort to hurting people whose lives and marriages have been wrecked by sin. As the prophet Isaiah writes, “Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and cry to her that her warfare is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned, that she has received from the LORD's hand double for all her sins” (Is 40:1-2). It is so highly important to God that you know your sins are forgiven in Christ (Col 2:14, 2 Cor 5:21). On the cross, he took all sin into himself. Out of his love for you, he took your sins, your guilt and shame, into the tomb with him and left them when he rose again. In Christ, you are forgiven. You are redeemed.

Guidance

A Pastor Should Give Sound Advice

Apart from this proclamation of the Gospel, a pastor should also attempt to give sound, biblical advice and direction. So many who approach the pastor find themselves in situations where they have exhausted many practical options. Indeed, many do not turn for help because they view pastoral involvement in their situation to be a “last ditch effort” to address their concerns. This can make it very difficult for pastors to navigate as they are often dealing with situations where hearts are hardened and relations have grown cold. This can make any guidance difficult as conflicted relationships will need all parties to cooperate, which is often easier said than done.

To make matters even more complex, many pastors and denominations are sorely lacking the training necessary to deal with modern psychological issues, such as addiction or abusive personalities. One can apply the scripture and admonish all they like, but there are often deeper issues that should be addressed by professionals who are qualified to diagnose and treat these types of things. Pastoral care is not necessarily the same as counseling and relational therapy. Thus, many Pastors confuse these roles or fail to recognize when issues are present that would warrant a licensed therapist. The confusion can often leave marriages worse off, and pastors wondering what went wrong.

Discretion

A Pastor Should Respect Your Situation, and Keep Confessions Private

In the church you will also find other potential pitfalls. There will be pastors and other leaders who exploit their office, mishandling situations and further contributing to the pain and heartache of the afflicted. This can come in the form of bullying, social manipulation, and gossip. Peter also preached against this sort of pastoral abuse when he counseled pastors to “shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock” (1 Pt 5: 2-3).

This is nothing new. God spoke to the shepherds of Israel by the prophets, claiming through Ezekiel, “Thus says the Lord GOD: Ah, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding yourselves!” (Ez 34:2). When these kinds of leaders see dire situations, they will use it to manipulate others to feed their egotistic desire for power and control. Therefore, any drastic advice your pastor gives you should be looked upon skeptically. No pastor should give advice hastily, or encourage you to take drastic action unless seriously warranted.

It is Written

The Bible gives us an idea of a pastor’s responsibility, but as we have stressed previously, they aren’t released from seminary guaranteed to fix all problems. Pastoral care is, after all, an art and not a science. It is important to acknowledge that pastors are also sinners, who are equally in need of God’s grace. Nobody should expect that their pastor be able to single-handedly be able to fix every aspect of their lives. Indeed, it is likely that they will fail to meet your expectations in some ways. What one should expect, is that your pastor does make an effort to prayerfully counsel you through this difficult time with respect, grace, and patience - as a shepherd does with his lambs.