When Our Children Struggle
WRITTEN BY DREW MATZ
The struggles of our children are the Church’s open secret.
An Untold Story
In the 9th chapter of Mark we are introduced to a man experiencing one of the closest things to hell that this life can give us. His son is tormented by a spirit who will not allow him to hear or speak. The demon throws him to the ground in violent convulsions, foaming at the mouth, intent on destroying the child. To make matters worse, Jesus’ disciples tried to cast the spirit out of the boy to no avail. The spirit was holding fast to the child, with no intent on letting go.
The story is a sad but familiar one. Although perhaps not to the same degree, many children today are burdened with their own set of trials. For them, their demons prefer less obvious means of oppression. It may work through addiction, power, or some other subtle vice. The church is no exception to this. The family in the pew to our left is just as susceptible to spiritual attack as anyone else. And often, that family is struggling in silence, living day to day in a quiet desperation much like the Father in our Gospel illustration.
A Fervent Plea
When Jesus approaches the frenzied crowd, the boy’s Father is quick to meet him. He speaks quickly and urgently, reflecting the deep anxiety of a man who is all too familiar with this scene. He tells Jesus that his son has been experiencing this spiritual attack “from childhood” (9:21). It appears the father is at the end of his rope. The emotional exhaustion of watching his son being abused by an unseen force has eroded away at his hope. To add insult to injury, the disciples have been casting out demons left and right all over the place, until now. His appeal to Jesus is less than confident. “But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us” (9:22).
Jesus’ response is sharp. “All things are possible for one who believes” (9:23). At first glance it almost seems like Jesus is out of touch. Here is a man who has had to watch his son suffer and is helpless to stop it, and Jesus has the nerve to criticize the man’s lack of faith? However, there is something else that Jesus is getting at. The scene unfolds immediately after Jesus’ transfiguration on top of Mount Tabor (Mark 9:1-13). Like Moses, Jesus has descended the mountain to find a people who have fallen into faithlessness. A child and father are being tormented, yet the teachers of Israel and the disciples are squabbling about the finer points of the situation. Their concerns are elsewhere. Their trust isn’t in Christ, but in their own abilities and understanding. It’s not that Jesus was saying “you don’t believe hard enough, so your prayers don’t work.” Rather, he is saying “stop doubting. Trust me. For all is possible because of who I am.” His ability is not dependent on our faith or lack thereof. Rather, we are dependent on him because of who he is. At his sight do demons tremble and spirits flee. In him do all things hold together (Col 1:17).
The Cross of Parenthood
It is no accident that the Devil targets our children. He knows how it crushes families and sows unbelief. It drives Mother from Son, and Father from Daughter. Relationships are pulled apart and hope dwindles. Like the Father in Mark 9, the suffering of our children can leave us overwhelmed and emotionally devastated. The anguish he feels for his son is likely overshadowed by intense guilt for the many years he has been unable to help his son. Like him, we may blame ourselves as failures. Perhaps if we had only prayed more often, or been more involved our children would not experience the things they are going through.
The reality is likely much more complex. While we should always earnestly contend for our children’s spiritual life, there is no magic bullet or guarantee that our own children won’t stray from the faith or become mired in destructive lifestyles. Despite our efforts, failures, and fervent prayers, we must sometimes prayerfully pick up our cross and endure while our children navigate their own way through the wilderness.
The Soil of Faith
The Father’s humble response “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief” (9:24) is deserving of reflection. This is a phrase we ought to constantly utter as parents. When our own children are wrestling with the maladies of life, our tendencies to sink into doubt become overwhelming. However, scripture reminds us that there are no bounds to the miraculous (Matt 19:26). As we watch our children being challenged by the world, our prayers must be fervent. As we see with the boy’s father, a broken and contrite spirit become the fertile soil where faith is garnered and miracles become manifest. By his own confession, the man acknowledges who Christ is and the demons depart. Through a Father’s intercession, the Kingdom of God bursts into the present. A son is returned and a relationship is restored.
When our doubts loom over and our faith is dim, Our Lord proclaims his presence in our lives and in the lives of others. The kingdom of God is manifested when we are reliant on him and him alone. He enters our world in the midst of sin and hopelessness, where the most vulnerable are exploited and death rules as King. The Father himself did not turn his back on us while we were grieving our own children, but instead gave over his own son that our own children might be saved.
In this fallen world we must deal with a lot of imperfection, at least on this side of the Garden of Eden. Our relationships with our children may be strained, but it is our prayer that what we know in part may be known fully in the end (1 Cor 13:12). Thus, the Church must always cultivate the soil where faith can grow and his Kingdom can flourish, that in him all things work together for good.