Acceptance is Healing
Bitterness Series
“Entrenched in her bitterness, she becomes all too comfortable there, refusing help and companionship from those who genuinely love her…”
“6 When Naomi heard in Moab that the Lord had come to the aid of his people by providing food for them, she and her daughters-in-law prepared to return home from there. 7 With her two daughters-in-law she left the place where she had been living and set out on the road that would take them back to the land of Judah.
8 Then Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home. May the Lord show you kindness, as you have shown kindness to your dead husbands and to me. 9 May the Lord grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband.”
Then she kissed them goodbye and they wept aloud 10 and said to her, “We will go back with you to your people.”
11 But Naomi said, “Return home, my daughters. Why would you come with me? Am I going to have any more sons, who could become your husbands? 12 Return home, my daughters; I am too old to have another husband. Even if I thought there was still hope for me—even if I had a husband tonight and then gave birth to sons— 13 would you wait until they grew up? Would you remain unmarried for them? No, my daughters. It is more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord’s hand has turned against me!””
Explanation:
Naomi was the wife of Elimelech, a man from Bethlehem, Judea. Although Bethlehem means "House of Bread," a famine has ironically forced them, along with their two sons, out of Judah and into the foreign land of Moab where her Husband died.¹ Ten years later, after taking Moabite wives, her two sons also perished. Naomi was left in exile from her homeland, and all she had was gone. Her husbands and sons have died, and Naomi had nowhere to go. Having heard that God has provided food back in Judah, she sets off to return home. She urges her daughters-In-law to turn back from her, to find peace and solace and husbands who will care for them. When Orpah and Ruth hear her insist they return, they refuse and vow to remain with her. However, Naomi continues to resist their vows, complaining that she has been dealt her misfortune by God's hand. For Naomi, it was unthinkable that they would want to enter a foreign land with a bitter, barren old woman who had nothing to offer them. However, Ruth refuses to leave her side, and returns to Judea alongside Naomi. When she returns, the townspeople evidently recognize her. But Naomi, still embittered and depressed, insists that they refer to her as "Mara," because she believed God's hand to be against her.
Connection:
It would not be unfair to say that Naomi has been dealt a difficult hand. Her marriage and family were already under significant stress through the famine in Judea. Moreover, her two sons' names translate as "sick" (Mahlon) and "dying" (Chilion), which gives us a clue as to the well-being of her household from the very beginning.² After ten years, her husband and sons all die. Naomi's life has become defined by struggle. She becomes so embittered and hopeless that she refuses the companionship of her daughters-in-law in her trek back to Judea, where she has heard that the famine has ended. However, Ruth vows to always remain with Naomi, whose bitterness has become an ominous cloud that seems to follow her wherever she goes. It's obvious by now that Naomi is upset with God, and she lets everyone know about it. Entrenched in her bitterness, she becomes all too comfortable there, refusing help and companionship from those who genuinely love her. She is so deep in bitterness that her entire identity becomes defined by it, as "Mara" translates to "bitter."
It is very easy to criticize Naomi's bitterness as short-sighted or even rude. However, her grief was very understandable given her circumstances. The problem was not that she was hurting, but in her perspective. For Naomi, every hardship she endured was a direct affliction by God. There was no sense of purpose or nuance in her understanding of what was happening in her life. Instead, she resented God for even bringing her out from Judea in the first place. If not for God, she thought, she would still be "full," living happily with her family. Thus, bitterness is not something that happens to us externally. It is a response, a condition of the heart that must be recognized for what it is. Her bitterness not only damaged her relationship with God, but kept her from recognizing God's incredible providence through Ruth's loyal companionship.
Action:
Get Perspective -
Often our bitterness becomes our new normal. Like Naomi, a cloud may come over our lives, poisoning our relationship with God and with others. It helps in times like these to take a step back and look at the big picture. Take some time away to pray and to reflect. Make a point to confide in a trusted friend, or perhaps go on a retreat to clear your mind.
Accept Your Circumstances -
Though Naomi understood what has happened to her, she had a difficult time accepting her circumstances and adjusting to her new life. It manifested itself in a self-pity which clouded the way she looked at herself and others. When we go through trials, it is important we accept what has happened and adjust to the Idea that life has changed as we know it. However, this does not mean we must or even should do this alone. Consult with friends or a Pastor about what you're going to. Allow them to help carry your burdens.
Become Vulnerable -
Naomi's self-pity was likely a way for her to solicit pity from others. However, it also reflected her lack of ability to be truly vulnerable, as she needed constant affirmation from others. It is important that we allow ourselves to be hurt, and to feel the pain we must feel in order to adjust and to grow. Know that God is present with you through all of your pain, as he has suffered alongside us (Isaiah 53:4).
¹ K. Lawson Younger and Jr, Judges and Ruth (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 2002), 579.
² Ibid.