Infidelity

Infidelity in marriage has been narrowly defined as sexual activity with someone other than your spouse. However, infidelity can also manifest in strictly an emotional sense, wherein a spouse turns to another for their emotional fulfilment. Few scenarios present challenges as difficult as those raised by marital infidelity. Because marriage was created by God to be an icon of his relationship with his people, the betrayal can be difficult for the aggrieved to navigate, much less articulate how they are feeling to others. Therefore, it is important to approach these situations with extreme grace and sensitivity, always proclaiming and trusting in the abundant love of Christ, who makes all things new.

What is Infidelity?

  • Sexual contact with someone outside the marriage covenant
  • Emotional attachment to someone other than your spouse
  • Online relationships fostered through email and social media
  • The use of pornography
  • For more related passages, see also:
  • Exod 20:14; Matt 19:3-9; Prov 6:24-32; John 8:4-11

Related Passages

1 Cor 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Isaiah 47:10
You felt secure in your wickedness;
you said, “No one sees me;” your wisdom and your knowledge led you astray,
and you said in your heart, “I am, and there is no one besides me.”

Discussion Questions

  • Jesus often uses the language of adultery when he speaks of the sin of his people. Why do you think God chooses this language?

    • Matt 12:39: But he answered them, “An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah.”

  • Where does infidelity come from?

    • Matt 5:27-28: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

  • Does the Bible allow divorce on the grounds of infidelity?

    • Matt 19:7-9: They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Moving Forward

  • Turn to the Lord

    • When betrayal of this magnitude occurs, it is vital that both spouses turn to the Lord in prayer. Ask God to repair your relationship and to help soften both hearts. Repent for any sins and ask God to restore you (Ps 51:1-2).

  • Turn to the Church

    • It is likely that both spouses will be very emotionally burdened during this time. For this reason, the care of prudent pastors and counselors can prove to be invaluable. Seek out church leaders and professional counselors who are trained to navigate these sensitive subjects, and who are able to serve you and offer sound Biblical advice for moving forward.

  • Turn to One Another

    • Reconciliation will not be easy. It may require much time and many tears. However, although the Bible allows for divorce in certain circumstances, divorce should always and only be a last resort. The offending spouse ought to work toward making changes that will help foster trust, while the offended should seek the Lord to help forgive the transgression and rebuild the relationship.