Forgiveness & Reconciliation

Forgiveness/Reconciliation: If there are any principles that can be said to be at the heart of the Christian message and way of life, forgiveness and reconciliation would be near the top of the list. Indeed, it is the forgiveness of our sins in Christ that reconciles us to the Father. Being unable to forgive leaves our souls in a state of self-destruction. It can fill us with anger, callousness, and resentment. Part of the Christian life, therefore, is learning to live in light of the forgiveness and reconciliation given to us, and to manifest this message to our neighbor.

What forgiveness is not:

  • Affirming the actions of the offender
  • An instant repair to the relationship
  • Requiring one forgets what has been done to them
  • Free of temporal consequences for the offender

Biblical Examples

Jeremiah 31:34
And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.

Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God, in Christ, forgave you.

See also Ps 103:12; Luke 7:47; Eph 4:32

Discussion Questions

  • Why do you think forgiveness is often difficult?

    • Rom 3:23: For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

  • What is the relationship between forgiveness and reconciliation?

    • 1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

    • 2 Cor 5:19: That is, in Christ, God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.

  • How does our action of forgiveness reflect God’s actions in Christ Jesus?

    • Col 3:13: Bear with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgive each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

    • Mark 11:26: But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

  • How does our unwillingness to forgive actually harm us?

    • Matt 18:21-35: Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So, the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So, his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also, my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

Moving Forward

  • Come to Grips with How You Feel

    • When we are sinned against, it is natural and healthy to grieve. Often, we are hurt because we trusted the person who sinned against us, and thus feel a sense of betrayal. Coming to terms with this can help us to sort out our emotions, which can often seem daunting and confusing.

  • Set Boundaries

    • Just because we forgive someone doesn’t automatically mean we should expose ourselves to the same behavior. It is important that we protect ourselves from being abused by setting firm boundaries about how we interact with the ones who have hurt us.

  • Meditate on the Cross

    • Make it a point to reflect on some ways in which you yourself have been forgiven. It is also beneficial to recall that all have sinned, which requires God’s forgiveness. The way we forgive others is always related to the fact that he forgives us first through his death and resurrection. Think of how we can express this truth in our own lives through forgiveness and reconciliation.