Dating

It may come as a surprise to us that the concept of dating as we understand it today is not described in the Bible. The ancients approached the idea of marriage differently than many of us in modern times. Marriage often revolved around familial and financial ties as much as anything else. However, we can glean some important principles from the scriptures about dating and about finding a spouse.

Things to Consider in a Spouse

  • Are they Christian?
  • What is their denominational affiliation?
  • How is their family life?

  • For more related passages, see also: 2 Tim 2:22; 1 Tim 5:1-2; Titus 2:1-8; 1 Cor 7: 32-35

Related Passages:

Matthew 6:33
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Song of Solomon 2:7
I adjure you,
O daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

Discussion Questions

  • How does the Biblical notion of finding a spouse differ from modern dating?

    • Eph 5:3: But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.

    • 1 Pet 3:3-4: Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

  • Dating provides the space to get to know another person and determine compatibility. Once a couple has done so, what is the ultimate aim for dating as Christians?

    • Gen 2:24: Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

  • Why is it so important that Christians only marry other Christians? Is “missionary dating” a good idea?

    • 2 Cor 6:14: Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

  • Why do you think the Bible warns so much about the dangers of casual relationships?

    • Prov 27:12: The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

    • 1 Cor 6:13-14: “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.

Moving Forward

  • Don’t Make Finding a Spouse Your First Priority

    • God wants us to seek him out first. When we are grounded in our relationship with Christ, we are better able to discern what to look for in a potential spouse.

  • Set Clear Boundaries

    • When you begin dating, see to it that you set clear boundaries so as to prevent falling into temptation. Avoid placing yourselves in compromising situations that place pressure on either of you to fall into sexual immorality.

  • Get Involved with Others

  • It is advisable that we always have our families and friends involved in our lives so that they can give counsel (Prov 15:22).
  • Seek out the care of your Church leaders who can advise you on moving your relationship from dating to marriage.