Understanding How and When To Say No

“Yes Man” is a 2008 movie starring Jim Carrey. A comedy, the premise of the movie is that Jim’s character, Carl, has fallen on hard times and is too negative. He says no to almost everything, to the point that it is perpetuating his negative and depressing life. That is until one day Carl attends a Yes! Seminar taught by Terrence Bundley, a self-help guru who makes Carl promise to say yes to everything – leading to all sorts of misadventures and calamity. The point being – there is a time and place to say no.

However, just because we should be able to say know doesn’t mean that it is an easy thing to do. Some of us are more agreeable by nature, and so we might struggle to say no much more than other people. This can make us more vulnerable to suggestion and get us into situations we didn’t anticipate. 

The Bible gives us a few examples of when and how to say no: 

Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance. And after a time his master's wife cast her eyes on Joseph and said, “Lie with me.” But he refused and said to his master's wife, “Behold, because of me my master has no concern about anything in the house, and he has put everything that he has in my charge. He is not greater in this house than I am, nor has he kept back anything from me except you, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?”

Genesis 39:6-9

Needless to say, Joseph was in a tempting situation. Potiphar was not around, he surely could have gotten away with the affair. However, Joseph held himself to a higher standard. He had integrity and wanted to honor God and his own word to uphold Potiphar’s household and honor. Understanding his own weaknesses, Joseph left at once and removed the temptation altogether. 

While Joseph gives us a template of how to say no, we also can see a cautionary tale in the story of Samson and Delilah:

And she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and you have not told me where your great strength lies.” And when she pressed him hard with her words day after day, and urged him, his soul was vexed to death. And he told her all his heart, and said to her, “A razor has never come upon my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother's womb. If my head is shaved, then my strength will leave me, and I shall become weak and be like any other man.”

-Judges 16:15-17

The Philistines were behind Delilah’s inquiries about Samson’s strength (v.5-7). At first Samson held out and was able to say no. However, her constant badgering ultimately wore him down. Unlike Joseph, who departed from poor company – Samson’s story shows us what happens when we allow ourselves to be influenced by people with questionable character. It ultimately led to Samson’s seizure by the Philistines. 

Like most things, knowing how and when to say know requires a lot of prayer and contemplation. We might not be very good at discerning this by nature, but through God’s spirit, our discernment can grow as our faith continues to grow. God will strengthen you resolve and give you the wisdom and the strength to say no.