Dysfunctional Redemption
A Biblical Appraisal of Abigail, Nabal, and the Cost of Negligence
WRITTEN BY DREW MATZ
There is an Old Testament tale that is quite descriptive of a dysfunctional relationship but is sometimes overlooked. This is the story of Abigail and her husband Nabal in 1 Samuel 25. David and his men were fleeing from King Saul. On their way to Carmel, they approach Nabal and the servants. They go out of their way to help Nabal, showing them kindness that is not necessarily warranted. Having developed a relationship and believing it would be reciprocated, David’s men asked Nabal to provide them with some supplies and food.
“What is fascinating about this story is that it is not at all unique”
Unexpectedly, Nabal did not return the gesture: “Who is this David? Who is this son of Jesse? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?” (1 Sam 25: 10-11). When Abigail learned of her husbands callousness, she immediately gathered numerous resources and set forth to make things right with David. For this, her hospitality was honored.
What is fascinating about this story is that it is not at all unique – even to this day. Far too often, we see spouses that are on opposite ends of the spiritual spectrum. One spouse makes it their responsibility to maintain the integrity of the family name, handling the “damage-control” brought forth by their other spouse. Given Abigail’s response, it seems to have been par-for-the-course for Nabal to act this way. She’s become desensitized to Nabal’s manipulation – while he became complacent with Abigail cleaning up his messes. Needless to say, David’s kindness was likely shocking to someone who felt so underappreciated all the time.
Nabal’s behavior was treading on thin ice. He refused to lead as a loving husband, and let his wife bear the burden of cleaning up his messes, regardless of the embarrassment and shame it brought upon her. His own negligence never knew any consequences. This is not merely a single mistake – this was now a lifestyle. Even when Abigail returned to tell Nabal about her encounter with David, he was too drunk to even comprehend her story. It’s almost as if God wanted us to see a snapshot of belief over and against unbelief. For Abigail was redeemed through David. The Lord struck Nabal dead 10 days later.
“It’s almost as if God wanted us to see a snapshot of belief over and against unbelief.”
With these considerations in mind, we must be careful not to hastily apply this label to spouses who are struggling with things outside of their control. Life happens, and we all go through battles against many different vices. The problem is when we become like Nabal - so ingrained and habitual in our negligence that we can’t be bothered even to acknowledge our struggles. Like most relationship problems, the issue is best addressed when brought to a pastor or professional counselor who can provide the tools and wisdom to help with these relational difficulties. Let us prayerfully be on alert for these destructive patterns and ask God to lead our hearts to resolve the matter.
Article written by Drew Matz
A native of Southeastern Ohio, Drew moved to Fort Wayne, Indiana where he earned an MA in Theology from Concordia Theological Seminary, cultivating a love for Historical Theology and Biblical Languages. He also holds a Bachelor of Science in Healthcare Management from Franklin University. Being from the Appalachian Foothills, Drew is passionate about the outdoors and the natural wonder it inspires. Drew currently resides in Fort Wayne with his wife and daughter.