The Writing on the Wall: Hope in the Midst of Divorce

WRITTEN BY DREW MATZ

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 4:23

The grief that stems from a marriage that is slipping away is often compared to the pain of losing a loved one. As lonely as you feel you prefer to be left alone as any exchange is just too exhausting. Life becomes a roller coaster of anger, shame, guilt, and regret. You might cry for God’s help and curse him all the same. Everything in your life becomes questionable. Your appetite will be non-existent. Those around you comment on how you’ve lost weight, how they are worried that you don’t take care of yourself. Through a fake smile you assure him all is fine, but you know you’re lying. The writing is on the wall, and it spells divorce.

This is the daily grind of someone experiencing the death of a marriage. The loss is often compared to the amputation of an arm or a leg. The one-flesh union that God has joined together is now being torn apart. The pain eventually gives way to a gnawing numbness. The gaping hole left in your heart will inevitably lead to vulnerability. Often you’ll begin to be tempted by alcohol or cheap sexual encounters. Whatever either dulls the pain or mimics the love you once had will start to sound like a good idea, even though you know better.

This will be a mess of a road to travel. You will have to deal with conversations with those out of the loop to what has been happening in your life. You will have to have awkward encounters and conversations from friends and family who feel they have to “pick a side.” The lawyers and court system will sometimes prey upon your vulnerability. Any hope for the restoration of your marriage seems almost laughable at this point. You just want the pain to end, and to find some sort of peace with yourself and your creator. 

We might be surprised to know that the scriptures tell us that in the darkest times, we are closest to the Lord. We do not serve a God who seeks to revel in his own glory, but one whose “power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor 12:9). In the painful moments we endure, God is not aloof to our suffering. God the Son suffered in the flesh. Upon the cross he experienced the same kind of you are experiencing. His disciples all fled and hid, and Peter denied him. He has experienced every human challenge and emotion, yet did so without sin. 

And so, if you’re experience a marriage that is dying, our Lord says to you, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew: 28-29). Seek his voice in the scriptures. Our Lord has lived out our existence and is able to empathize with us as he has also been tempted as we have. Devote yourself to prayer and to the reading of the Psalms. Seek out the accountability of a trusted friend who will stand by your side and help you get back on your feet. Most importantly, seek out the care of Christ’s family, his Church. Allow them to share your burdens, and help bind up your wounds.